u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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