there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
