Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
