my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
