She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
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