I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize