there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
