He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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