i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
