when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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