after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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