Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
