well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
