i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
