She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
