You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
