its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
