Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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