5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
