he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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