good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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