are you still at the devil's house?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
