I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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