is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
All I want is dick and wine.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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