Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
