You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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