I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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