I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
so much tequila, so little girl.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
