I should be sponsored by Trojan
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My penis needs a shock collar
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
