Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
