He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
