I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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