Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
