he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
