There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
