GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
