dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
