Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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