The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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