I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
