What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it's great music for shaving your balls
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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