Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
