My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
