my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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