i may or may not be watching the land before time
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
