Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
