idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Randomize
