Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
