I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
