I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
