I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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