Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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