Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
not ubering you a puppy
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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