Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
