Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
