Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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