There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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